


Touch

by Booklover2020



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan
Genre: 5 times 1 time, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Nico is trying, One Shot, Will is so patient, hand holding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-16
Updated: 2020-05-16
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:53:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24219199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Booklover2020/pseuds/Booklover2020
Summary: 5 times Nico pulls away from Will's touch and the 1 time he initiates it himself.{Also on Wattpad - JemmaJ2020}
Relationships: Will Solace/Nico di Angelo
Comments: 3
Kudos: 199





	Touch

Nico watched from his infirmary bed as Will washed thoroughly washed his hands after a long surgery. The son of Hades had gotten a cut during sword training with Sherman and been stitched up by Kayla while her brother removed the burst appendix of another camper. Nico had been informed that it was Ellis Wakefield, which didn't surprise him. Ellis was notoriously stubborn and had an extremely high pain tolerance.

When Will was finished he turned to Nico and smiled, though it was clear the son of Apollo was exhausted. Will had been the one to do the overnight the previous night in the infirmary, but he had been called in when Kayla realized what was causing Ellis's pain. Nico was amazed Will could keep his eyes open. The older demigod couldn't have gotten more than three hours of sleep before having to return to the infirmary. Nico returned Will's smile and it was becoming easier to do with every passing day.

They had been dating for three months and they were no longer hiding the fact that they were a couple. They weren't obnoxious by any means. They didn't kiss around others or in private, they didn't hug, and Nico didn't even like using the "b" word for Will. It wasn't that he didn't want to, but he couldn't shake the feeling whenever Will touched him. The feeling that he was wrong and bad. Nico wasn't religious, he was the son of a Greek deity for crying out loud, but he couldn't help but think that was he was doing was a sin. He didn't know why and he had no reason to think so. Only one or two campers had been homophobic toward him and their siblings had quickly put them in their places, but the feeling remained.

Would my mother be okay with who I am? Would she have accepted me? Would she have wanted me to change?

The questions raged like a storm in Nico's mind. He couldn't explain why, but he just knew that Bianca would have accepted him. He even wondered if perhaps she had known. He doubted it, but he still held no question about whether his sister would have still loved him. His mother was an entirely different story and that terrified him. He didn't even remember the woman, not truly, but her opinion mattered to him. Did that make sense?

"You're thinking too hard," Will frowned, "want to share your thoughts?"

"Just the usual," Nico murmured, but he knew Will would understand.

"Hey," Will said, "I know it's hard. When I first told my mom she didn't really understand. She grew up Christian and it was hard for her to come to terms with, but she loved me and she wanted to learn. She's one of my biggest supporters now and I truly believe that someday you will be one of your own supporters too. Until then you have plenty of others who want to be there for you."

"Thanks Sunshine," Nico whispered.

Will gave him a dazzling smile and put a hand on Nico's shoulder. Nico's mind began to race with anxiety. He tried, oh gods did he try, but he only made it to the count of four before he was shrugging Will's hand from his shoulder. Will, bless him, didn't let any hurt betray his face and gave Nico another smile, but Nico could tell by the way the healer's hands were twitching at his side that it took effort not to comfort him. Will was a hugger. Why he had fallen for Nico, the son of Hades would never know.

"I'm sorry," Nico said.

"Don't be," Will told him, "I want you to be comfortable."

Nico's heart swelled.

\---

They were playing capture the flag and Nico was definitely in his element, even if Chiron had taken his beloved stygian iron blade and replaced it with a celestial bronze one. 'To prevent the severing of souls due to injuries I expect to see' Chiron had said. Whatever. The blade was weighted well and Nico was paired with some of his best friends. It was going to be a good night.

Nico was on guard duty despite his protests that he would be much more valuable attempting to actually capture the flag. Will wouldn't hear of it due to Nico's shadow traveling abilities just beginning to return and he passed out after every jump. It wasn't terrible on guard duty, though. Nico was with Austin, which was better than Kayla as Will's brother teased slightly less regarding their relationship. Slightly.

"You know he just wants to protect you," Austin told him, "the way you showed up at camp during the war terrified him. He doesn't want you turning into a shadow, none of us do."

"You guys don't need to worry so much," Nico said, "I'm-"

They were interrupted by the sound of footsteps coming through the forest. A moment later Cecil and Lou Ellen appeared in front of them. Cecil cursed when he saw that Nico was guarding the flag, making the son of Hades smirk. Lou Ellen rolled her eyes, but she raised her sword and advanced on Austin. Cecil cursed again, saying something that sounded like, "Course...wouldn't...Nico". In the end, the son of Hermes charged toward Nico as though he had already accepted his fate.

A sharp clang was heard as their swords met and, in that moment, Nico felt alive. He had been waiting for some action since the conch horn sounded. Nico turned his blade and aimed a hit at Cecil's helmeted skull. The son of Hermes swung to intercept, but he was too slow. The flat of Nico's blade struck Cecil's helmet and the demigod fell to the ground clutching his helmet. Nico felt bad that his friend was in pain, but he knew most of the pain was from the resounding noise the blade had made when it struck the helmet and not actual damage. 

Nico turned just in time to meet Lou Ellen's blade with his own. Austin was on the ground as well and Nico was unsure if the younger demigod was conscious. Lou Ellen lunged toward Nico and attempted to sweep him off his feet. Nico jumped backwards, before circling around Lou Ellen to make up for the ground he lost. Their blades met once more and Nico pulled back quickly. With speed it had taken several years to gain Nico slammed the flat of his blade into the weakest part of Lou Ellen's wrist. The daughter of Hecate gave a cry and dropped the blade. 

Five feet from where they stood Cecil was reaching for his sword. To Nico's relief, Austin was beginning to stir. Obviously he had known the boy was not dead, but he didn't like him being unconscious either. Right when Nico thought the fight might be about to get good the conch horn sounded. Cecil and Lou Ellen groaned, knowing that this meant the other team had won. 

Nico helped Austin up and offered to take him to the infirmary. When it came to helping fallen heroes, Nico's physical touch rule fell away. This was a job and he held no emotions toward it. There was nothing wrong with it because he felt nothing but compassion toward those he was helping. The voice screaming that he was wrong and vile and bad was silent in these moments.

Will had set up a makeshift infirmary at the edge of the forest for to tend to injuries quickly. Per usual, even with the no maiming rule, Paolo was cut up. Nico was counting how many weeks it had been since the son of Hebe had had to have a limb reattached. The number was five to date. 

"What happened?" Will asked, his voice a bit sharper than he meant it to be when he saw his brother.

"Lou Ellen," Austin groaned and clutched his head.

"Probably a concussion," Will tsked, "thanks Nico."

Nico gave Will a small smile and guided Austin to a patch of grass to sit on. Will moved to give Nico a hug before continuing to treat his patients, but Nico flinched away. Bad. Vile. Wrong. The words flashed through his mind and Nico flinched a second time. Will gave Nico a tired smile, but this time his eyes betrayed the sadness he felt. Nico's heart felt heavy. He wanted to be normal with his boyfriend, but nothing about the statement his boyfriend was normal to begin with.

\---

Nico was late for breakfast. He hadn't skipped breakfast in over a month. Mostly because Will would kill him if he did. Even if he was a son of Hades he didn't have a death wish. Today, however, Nico didn't want to go to breakfast. He didn't want to see his friends and he especially didn't want to see Will. Well, he did want to see Will but nightmare was getting to him. 

It hadn't been a usual nightmare. There was no Tartarus, monsters, or anything related to the gods. Everything was completely normal, except that Nico's mother had been alive. Nico knew it hadn't been a memory, but he couldn't shake the feeling that it was true. It felt so real.

Mama, Nico, and Bianca were sitting around a small table in an equally small kitchen. Despite its size the room felt cozy. The walls were an olive green and on them hung pictures of the Italian countryside. A bouquet of wild flowers was in a vase on the table. A kettle was placed on the stove, working its way to a boil.

Nico should have been able to tell it was a dream because he was clearly fourteen, but Bianca could be no older than twelve. Even in dreams he couldn't imagine her aging again. 

They had been eating in silence for what felt like an eternity when someone new entered the room. In real life, Nico would have been stunned to have seen Will. In his dream Nico merely smiled and kissed his boyfriend. Apparently that had been the wrong thing to do. A horrified shriek tore its way from Maria di Angelo's throat. Nico turned to stare at his mother in confusion.

Maria didn't say anything, but she looked at her son with a look of pure disgust. Nico trembled and grabbed for Will's hand. The vase of wildflowers went sailing past his head, but Nico didn't look back to his mom again. He squeezed Will's hand and allowed the blond to lead him out of the room.

Nico had woken to tears trying to force their way from his closed eyes. He hadn't allowed the tears to fall. He didn't view crying as weak, but he didn't like crying either. Nico didn't know why. The son of Hades had spent the morning pacing his cabin trying to calm his erratic heart. All of the pain that had threatened to ensnare him for so long suddenly came crashing down. 

It was just a dream. It was just a dream. It was just a dream.

A knock on the door broke him out of his thoughts. With a shaky hand Nico opened the door and was unsurprised to find Will standing on the other side. The healer had a frown on his face and in his hands he held an apple and a juice box. Nico wasn't sure where he got the juice box because they didn't have them at the dining pavilion. He figured that wasn't too important.

"Hey," Will's voice was soft, concerned.

"Hey," Nico tried to smile, but his body betrayed him

Broken. Wrong. Bad. Shameful.

"Can I come in?" Will asks.

"What about the rules?"

"I won't tell if you won't," Will's eyes sparkle and Nico feels himself cave.

The son of Hades opens the door for Will to come in. The healer takes a seat on Nico's bed and sets the food down, patting the spot next to him for Nico to sit too. Despite the rules this isn't the first time they've been in the cabin together, alone. Nico knows Will would never try anything, but his heart races just the same. If the other campers knew rumors would spread. Nico doesn't like rumors.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Will asks gently.

"How do you know there's anything to talk about?" 

"You skipped breakfast," Will says, as though that makes everything obvious.

Nico considers this as he takes a bite of his apple. He wants to tell Will everything, all his worries and all of his fears. Something is holding him back, however. Maybe it's because Will is such a positive person. Maybe it's that Will is so sure of himself and so sure that he's a good person even though he's not straight. Will's sure Nico's a good person too, but Nico isn't so sure. 

"I dreamt of my mom," Nico says eventually.

"Okay."

"You were there," Nico blushes at the memory of the kiss, even if it had only been a dream, "and she-she didn't approve of us. Sh-she threw a vase at me. I don't want to repeat anymore of the dream."

"You don't have to," Will agrees, "but, you know, dreams often show us our worst fears and just because something appears in our dreams, that doesn't mean it's true. I'm sure your mom would love you. I think the bigger problem is that you still don't love or accept yourself."

"What do I do Will?" Nico asks.

"You keep trying," Will tells him, "you keep talking to people about your fears. We'll always be here to remind you of how loved you are and to remind you that you aren't broken. You are not broken Nico. There is nothing wrong with you and we all love you. We are, I am, here for you."

Nico blushes at the words. Will is constantly telling Nico words of encouragement and things he likes about him, but that was the closest the son of Apollo had come to telling Nico he loved him. Everything Will said warmed Nico's frozen insides and he began to wonder if maybe someday he would be okay. It might still be a long battle, but moments like this felt nice.

"You always know what to say," Nico said.

Will laughed at the statement. He reached for Nico’s empty hand and took it in his. Nico tried to enjoy the warmth that was coursing through his body, but his mind won and he withdrew his hand. Will have Nico an understanding smile.

“It’s okay. We’ve got all the time in the world.”

—-

He’s supposed to be receiving an IM from Reyna any minute. Nico spoke to Hazel yesterday and she had informed him that Reyna was very angry with him for not keeping her more informed. They arranged a meeting and here he was, pacing up and down the length of his cabin. Will sat on Nico’s bed, flipping through a medical textbook.

“You can’t seriously find that interesting,” Nico said, “I mean, do doctors read those for fun?”

“I’m not reading it for fun,” Will said, “I’m looking at illnesses I don’t encounter very often so I’ll know the symptoms.”

“You’re such a nerd,” but Nico’s voice was fond.

“You’re both nerds,” came an amused voice.

Nico spun on his heel and saw Reyna in a cloud of mist. She gave both boys a smile as they sat together on the bed so she could see them both.

Nico has first introduced Will to Reyna a month prior and his heart had swelled with pride, and a little horror, when he saw how well they got along. Will was naturally charming though so Reyna not liking him had never really been a question.

“How are you two?” She asked.

“Great.”

“Alive.”

“No, really?” Reyna laughed, “honestly Nico. You need to start giving me a better answer than that.”

“I’m still passing out every time I shadow travel,” Nico frowned, “but I’m alive.”

“Well, seeing as you nearly faded after the war I’m not surprised your body is trying to protect you now,” Reyna said, “I trust Will is looking after you?”

“I give him a check up every week,” Will promised.

“Excellent,” Reyna affirmed.

They spoke for several minutes about various things going on at both camps. Reyna was briefing them on a building project when Nico met Will’s gaze. They grinned and Will casually draped an arm around Nico’s shoulders. Instinctively, Nico tensed. Will immediately removed his arm and mumbled an apology.

“He respects your boundaries,” Reyna said, “I approve.”

Will gave her a nod,

“Always.”

—-

It was a sunny day, per usual, and Nico was in the infirmary with Will. After spending several months in the infirmary just hanging out Chiron decided it would be good for Nico to learn some basic healing and help out with other mundane tasks. Nico had complained that the centaur was indirectly punishing him for the note Will had given Chiron saying Nico needed to sit at the Apollo table. After a few weeks of helping, however, Nico discovered he rather liked healing. It was so easy to kill, but keeping someone from dying was much harder.

Not that Nico had saved any lives during his lessons. So far he had learned how to splint various body parts, how to diagnose a concussion, and how to keep from overmedicating patients who were complaining of pain after being given ambrosia and nectar. Will had told Nico that he was almost ready to begin learning how to stitch wounds, which Nico was extremely excited about.

The day had been fairly slow so far. Valentina had come in with a bleeding ear that one of her siblings had cut when they were cutting her hair, but the cut had been shallow and hadn't required stitches. Nico felt guilty that he had been disappointed. After that Miranda had come in because she had been having headaches on and off for several days and the pain was getting worse. Will had Nico take care of both girls, but he had stayed close by in case the son of Hades had needed any help.

Nico was beginning to get bored with restocking when Cecil came in with a hand clamped to his side. Lou Ellen followed her friend in, looking sheepish. Nico stayed by the med closet and continued to stock various items. If Will wanted him, he would call him.

"What happened Cecil?" He heard Will ask.

"Lou Ellen should not be allowed knives," Cecil said, voice taut, "she has no control."

"I didn't mean to stab you!" Lou Ellen exclaimed and Nico chuckled.

"Glad you think this is funny," Cecil said.

"Nico, your bedside manner needs work," Will said, but there was amusement in his voice, "come over here and I'll show you how to stitch a wound."

The process was quite interesting. Nico watched Will apply a medicine to numb Cecil's side to the son of Hermes' hip. The healer also gave Cecil a shot, causing the demigod to jolt and Lou Ellen to laugh. Cecil glared at her and her expression returned to the sheepish one she had when she walked in.

They allowed the medicine time to set in before Will took a needle that looked like a fish hook and threaded it. Nico watched in fascination as Will stitched Cecil up. As he worked the healer gave Nico tips and the son of Hades asked a few questions. He chanced a glance at Lou Ellen, but she was looking at the stitching as though she was going to be ill. Before Nico could ask if she was alright Lou Ellen left the infirmary, clutching her stomach.

"She stabs me and then leaves me," Cecil muttered dramatically, "didn't even offer to hold my hand."

"I can stitch with one hand if I absolutely have to," Will offered.

"No I would rather- OW!" Cecil shouted and glared at Will.

"All done," Will said cheerfully, "sorry. Sometimes the medication wears off before I finish."

"I should ask Lou Ellen to stab you," Cecil grumbled.

"She's my friend," Will pointed out.

"Will you stab him Nico?" Cecil asked.

"I try to refrain from stabbing people I care about," Nico said.

Will finished dressing Cecil's wound while Cecil spoke loudly of 'the betrayal' he had just experienced by his friends. Will tried to point out that the son of Hermes had asked Will's boyfriend to stab him but Cecil wasn't interested in logic. In the end Will rolled his eyes as Cecil left the infirmary, still fake crying. Nico's face hurt from laughing so hard.

"I swear one day my dad is going to show up and say that Hermes claiming Cecil was a joke," Will told Nico.

"Interesting theory," Nico said, "but I think he's just dramatic because he hangs out with you and your siblings. In almost every other way he reminds me of a child of Hermes."

"You think I'm dramatic?" Will asked.

"Do I need to remind you about the time at the campfire when Kayla was sitting in-between us and you went on and on about being betrayed by your sister? It wasn't that different from what Cecil just did. Only I think the tears were real that night."

"Were not," Will said, but he was slightly pink.

"You're a goofball," Nico said.

"You love it," Will replied.

Nico saw Will's hand move before it was placed on his shoulder and he mentally began to prepare. When the contact was initiated he felt bliss, for a moment at least. Then the voice was back. Broken. Bad. Wrong. Shameful. Nico couldn't shake the thoughts from his head, but he tried to fight them. He eventually lost the battle and he shrugged off Will's hand.

"Sorry," Nico sighed, "I'm getting closer. I'm just not there yet."

Will just smiled.

\---

It's not very often that Nico and Will are completely alone. In the infirmary people are usually coming and going. During other activities they are always with other campers. Even just walking through camp eyes, especially from the nosy Aphrodite cabin, tend to follow them. So breaking the rules and spending some time alone in the Hades cabin is definitely one of Nico's favorite things to do with Will. It's even more special because they hardly ever get to do it.

Will was stretched out across Nico's bed with an arm slung over his face. He'd been pulling night shifts in the infirmary for the past two weeks. Normally Will would spend a week at a time on night shifts, but the past week Austin had had a nasty bout of the flu and was resting. The previous day was the first day he hadn't had a fever, but Will and Kayla were still trying to keep him down. They had tried to give Austin ambrosia, but before it could take effect he had thrown it up. After three times they decided to let the virus run its course.

Nico was sitting in the corner of his bed, up against the wall. He was sort of crowded from the way Will was laying, but he didn't mind. Nico knew the healer was extremely tired and, honestly, he was admiring the son of Apollo. Will was absolutely stunning, all golden hair and freckled skin. Nico felt happiness bloom inside him as he looked at the boy he was dating.

Over the past three weeks Nico had been working on himself. He still struggled with the voice in his head and he was sure that he would for years, but he had hope that it wouldn't be forever. Life wasn't a fairytale and the thoughts weren't going to leave after such a short time, but they were slightly quieter and Nico was learning to tell them to "hush". The son of Hades had continued talking to Will, but he had also spent time by himself because, at the end of the day, he had to become comfortable being alone with his thoughts. He still wasn't, but he was making somewhat steady progress.

A journal was hidden under Nico's bed. He would never admit to anyone, especially a child of Apollo, but he found that he liked poetry. You could express pain in a way that sounded like you were talking about something completely different. It was an escape. Nico spent time writing in English until his dyslexia gave him a headache and then he would write to his hearts content in Ancient Greek. The whole process was cathartic, even if it felt a bit embarrassing after having met the god of poetry.

"Penny for your thoughts," Will removed his arm from his face and opened his eyes.

"I feel happier than I have in awhile," Nico admitted, "I feel like I may be starting to see some hope."

"You don't know how happy I am to hear that," Will's smile could be heard in his voice.

"What were you thinking?" Nico asked.

"I'm thinking that Kayla is pulling the night shift tonight no matter what it costs me," Will rubbed his face, "I am so tired."

"You're still cute though," Nico blushed as he said the words.

"Are you flirting with me?" Will asked, somewhat stunned.

"I am dating you," Nico pointed out.

"I'm dead and this is Elysium," Will smiled.

Nico laughed at Will's antics. He saw the son of Apollo looking at Nico's hand and he knew what he was thinking. Will had been almost ridiculously careful the past three weeks. He hadn't even attempted to touch Nico and the son of Hades had been grateful at the time. Now, though, Nico realized how badly he missed Will's warm touch. With a deep breath Nico reached out and took Will's hand in his own.

Bad. Wrong. Shameful. Dis-

NO!

Nico was done listening to that voice, even if a part of him still believed the words were true. Slowly, he relaxed his body and gave Will's hand a tentative squeeze. Will returned the gesture and warmth flooded Nico's body. The son of Hades smiled at the boy he cared so much for and saw just how surprised Will was that this was happening, but the look on his face said it had clearly been worth the wait.

"Are you sure this is okay?" Will looked nervous.

"Yes," Nico said, "yes it is."

**Author's Note:**

> Hi. I hope the journaling didn't sound stupid. I write a lot of poetry and I have found it to be extremely cathartic so I thought it would be fun to give Nico something like that. I'm bisexual and I grew up/live in a Christian home so I based a lot of the feelings off how I've felt. I hope Nico's journey didn't sound rushed. It's not meant to be, but you can quiet the voice and learn to fight it from what I've learned. I'm sure you guys know that. Anyway, thanks for reading!


End file.
